In a world where the easiest option is to fall to our knees, I’m still standing. Maybe not better than I ever did but standing none-the-less.
Recently, I’ve had too many people ask “what’s wrong”, “why are you different?” These caring questions from folks who know me well beg the question “What is wrong with me?” And to answer it simply: everything.
Since the beginning of March, I’ve been running to weddings, bridal showers, work trips, hospital rooms, bachelorette parties, graduation celebrations and on top of it all, working. My lifestyle has changed with my priorities not being top of my own mind. Being the youngest and spending 90% of my life single, I have a new lens that I must peer through when I get up in the morning. With a little extra coffee and a lot less relaxation, I’m spent. My eager energy, my appetite for spontaneity, and most noticeably, my smile, is absent. Erased from this month’s to-do list. Of course, I am happy to be busy. To be standing alongside my best of friends on their wedding day. I’m excited to be traveling again and talking to professionals across the nation. Yet, the ability to fall into my chair, and wake up when September ends is on a planet far far away.
This last week of rest, reflection and routine has me back to a sense of reality. I can feel my positive outlook and sarcasm fill back into my lungs. I find cheer in the little things like my plants hatching their first pepper or The Circle adding a new Netflix season. Ultimately, I realized that it came down to my own self care. I know you hear that saying and see it on every coffee mug but it’s true. The mental health slogan, ‘It’s okay to not be okay” is spread across social media like a bad restaurant review. We’re bombarded with catchy sayings, and acceptance that everyone has a bad day. However, so many of us swipe those realizations under the rug. It’s okay to not smile. It’s okay to have a deep, dark week. It’s okay to put yourself over others. In the Midwest especially, we are taught to treat others how you want to be treated. To walk a mile in their shoes. The Golden Rule is something I will always believe in but it’s important to treat yourself that way first. Nobody should have the responsibility to make you happy except yourself.
It seems simple. Me sitting here in my 3 bedroom rental, work-from-home lifestyle. What do I have to complain about? As a human race, it’s important to realize you don’t know everyone’s lifestyle. We all paint a picture, good or bad, but don’t forget the artist behind the painting. They have true troubles too. I write to let everyone know that even the happiest people have their hard days. Have patience with yourself. Trust that you will find joy again. Recognize that you will still have uneasy, unwanted days of sorrow. But most importantly, just like Elton John said, [We’re] “Still Standing.”
Shoutout to Lizzo for the new banger and Wilson Phillips for the mid-oldie to energize a girl to keeping pushing through. Music really does soothe the soul.
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