Hi, my name is Rebecca and I’m a sadness addict.
Yes, it’s true. I used to be addicted to sadness and truthfully, I still am. I live alone in a city that I had never visited before moving here. My typical day starts with work and ends with tears in my pillow, waking up each morning to puffy, sore eyes.
Let me explain. I don’t crave attention, besides the typical girl loves boy, boy doesn’t love girl scenario. I don’t put other people down so they feel less about themselves. I don’t inflict wounds upon myself so I feel pain. I crave the connection that I once had with prior relationships. I miss my dad who died when I was 7 in a freak accident. I miss my friends who have died throughout my life doing what made them happy. I miss my Grandma who died during graduation week. Most recently, I miss my boss who decided he had enough of this life.
Most of these losses were sudden. One day I woke up and they are not in my life anymore. I miss them. That is where my addiction started. I enjoy feeling the pain as if this all just happened yesterday. In my mind, it helps me stay connected. It starts like every addiction, whether it’s coffee or cocaine. I decide to make a choice: play sad music, look at old photos, force memories into my vision. Then it spirals, it spirals into thinking about all my deceased pets, or the fact that my friends and family are over 300 miles away. This domino effect used to happen roughly 5 times a year. After college graduation, it’s increased. Addictions have two outcomes: death or recovery.
To my other sadness addicts, we’re not alone. In fact, I feel confident enough to write this because I know there are other people out there that feel the same as me. Thanks Twitter.
And while I don’t have a degree in psychology, I want to offer some lessons I’ve noticed along the way.
1. Don’t let the addiction overcome you. It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to cry and remember your loved ones who are no longer a phone call away. However, stay in control. Let it happen for a night or a week but set barriers. Don’t get into the funk forever
2. Let others know. Tell someone. Send your mom a text and say, “Hey, I’m good but I’m just in my feels right now.” Check Snapchat every now and then so friends can see you are still functioning. This helps distract your mind and not get sucked into the funk. Also, your friends or family might freak out if you just dive into a hole and don’t let them know you’re okay.
3. LIVE your life. Life is short. People can die in a matter of minutes while it would be nice to see them again, you have a purpose. If you hate your hometown, move! Don’t like your job? Put in your two weeks. When life knocks you down, don’t give up because it’s hard. We’ve all started from the bottom ( tying shoes, riding a bike, chugging a beer) and reached the top. This event in your life is no different. As Zach and Cody would say, “you are the pilot of your own life.”
So take control, feel your feels but always go to that AA meeting when you need it. Be cautious of your feelings and never be afraid to share.
Comments