** Yes, I am still dating Andrew Soukup but decided to pull something from the drafts after speaking with the woman in paragraph 3.
To all millennials who hoped this was a review of The Parent Trap reunion, I'm sorry to have fooled you. It's about that dangerous L word in all our relationships, and a little bit ofthe "I Am Woman" female empowerment movement.
The hardest part after a breakup or loss is finding yourself again. In the words of Meredith Gray,
“There is a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn’t because I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because if I loved someone and it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone because what if you learn you need love and then you don’t have it. What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? [Losing love] is like dying. The only difference is death ends. This, it can go on forever. “
And after years of guarded stubborn independence, I let the wall down and discovered the pain behind losing love. But behind that loss were lessons that I never thought I’d master.
I am strong, independent.
A few years ago, an adult female came up to me to apologize for something she felt was actionably wrong. In typical Becca fashion, I responded with low-maintenance care. Everyone makes mistakes in my mind and only some of us are brave enough to admit it. She was one of them. She went on to express her insecurities and low self-esteem building me up by saying I’m so confident and independent. In my mind, I was none of those things. I cry if one rumor, minor or major, is spread about me. I call my mom to ask for her opinion on everything. Do I buy those shoes? Should I put pecans in the recipe? Is there ever going to be a time when I’m settled? Loving another human reveals our true powers. I am strong when I get ignored and feel neglected. I am confident when I feel mistreated and have something to say. I am independent to eat dinner alone, to stay in a hotel alone, to pay my bills. Alone. But don’t let me or other women like me fool you. Behind every strong, confident, independent woman are moments of weakness, doubt and dependence on something or someone.
I am unique.
For most of my life, I thought I was missing something. I was the problem that needed mod-podged together. When actually, I hadn’t (or haven’t) met my person yet. The one who admired that strong-willed sense of humor and horrendous Christmas wrapping. I’ve always been identified as “a little weird” but that’s okay because what is fun with normal. If you could copycat the perfect personality, then what would make us different to have opinions or ideas. Opposites attract they say. A former confidant would always tell me “You are special, Becca Becca” and I always took it as a strange compliment. His message took several moments of self-reflection and awkward situations to understand that I’m unique for so many reasons. Yet, somehow, that is perfectly normal.
I am able to love.
Across the world, single shaming is a hot topic at family gatherings. “Do you have a boyfriend?” “When will you get married?” “Do you like girls?” Forgive me for sounding slightly pompous, but some people don’t need a significant other for support. Our 2X4’s are sturdy without the male species. Of course, warmth on the other side of the bed is nice and a master griller of medium-rare steaks is scrumptious for the tummy but that’s a want, not a need. As a significant other, you should feel wanted, not needed. People, in general, fall into social norms. “I have to get married before 30.” “I have to have children before 35.” “I have to work an 8-5 that drives me nuts and shortens my life by 10 years due to stress.” Sis, no you don’t. And I’m saying this louder for myself to hear. SIS, NO YOU DON’T. What will be, will be. Who will love you, will love you. And for he who wants to show it, he will show it.
Do more of what makes you happy. Do what you love. Remember that there is a rainbow after it has rained. Hearts mend but only after patience for healing within yourself.
Love is patient. Love is kind. Take each day by day. I promise you’ll be fine.
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